This is an article I wrote sometime ago to send out to my database of readers. I believe it is very significant, because so many people actually believe that they can change someone else. This, my friend, is a fantasy.
At one time or another, we all think that we can change somebody. Deep down inside most people have been guilty of saying, “I can change my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my husband, my wife, my kids, or somebody, to fit in the box that we believe would make us happier. This kind of thinking usually leads us down a pathway in the wrong direction. And believe it or not, some people actually do change other people. However, that is almost always ‘negative’. · No doubt, a man who beats his wife ultimately changes her.· A manipulative person can change another person to start acting in harmful, introverted type ways· An overly aggressive female can mentally beat their loved ones into a behavior that weakens or hurts their self esteem But if we want a person to just totally change their entire behavior, for our benefit, this imaginary ‘thought’ happens to fall under the category of (Next to Impossible). The harder you try to change somebody else, the worse they get. So, if you don’t like the person you choose to spend your life with, why choose them? Choose someone you like already, somebody you don’t want to change. Besides, trying to change somebody else simply means you may be suffering from serious ‘control’ issues. Do you want people talking about you behind your back saying, “Who left you in charge, anyway”? So, why put all your energy into wasting your precious time? What you can do, however, is change yourself. You’ll be absolutely surprised at what happens when you make subtle or major shifts in your character and in your life. It actually works like a magic pill! · Everyone around you changes. · People act better, · violent people disappear, · people who are against you, are now for you. · The world opens up and unfolds before you. The greatest triumphs and imaginations that are locked up inside of you begin to emerge. Changing yourself is that important! You might even think you woke up one morning and the Dream Angel moved you to another planet. Your life will be soooooo different. I can hear all those naysayers out there going “I don’t need to change. There’s nothing wrong with me, it’s them!” And as hard as this is to swallow, it’s only how you choose to respond, react, think, and act from your own inner beliefs that keep them irritating the mess out of you. Only after you change · your core inner beliefs, · re-frame the way you see things, and · react from a place of calmness and peace,
will you drastically see changes in others. It can’t be expressed enough, that the only person you can change is you. Scream it from the rooftops, dream about it, make it your mantra, or whatever you have to do, to make yourself realize that the magic of changing your life lies inside of you.
If you really don’t think you need to change, do an experiment. Start asking people you know really well, what they think about you. Also, ask people that you don’t know well, what they think about you. Keep notes and tell the person you won’t get angry, no matter what they say, because you want honest opinions, don’t you? If you find that many of the people say the same thing about you, that you didn’t think was a problem, it may be an indication that you need to re-evaluate how you think about your behavior. Real change is an internal decision (on your part)· to be better; · to take the high road, and · to act from a place of ‘stillness’ in unpleasant situations. If you’re trying to fix someone else, and they don’t make the decision to change from within, first and foremost, it ain’t gonna happen! Each and every individual must make their own ‘inner’ decision to change. What can happen in a positive way (and for your benefit) is to focus on yourself. Seeing a behavioral therapist, a psychologist, an experienced life coach, or a hypnotherapist, can help you through subtle strategy changes, or even with deep inner changes. They can also help you with learning how to re-frame your perspectives. Perspectives can be changed by using various therapies and ideomotor responses (like writing) that come directly from your subconscious mind. This empowers you to overcome some of the issues you face. These things can move you forward with more effective results and with much quicker changes than you can imagine. If you’ve been trying to do these things all your life, by yourself, you can see how slow the process is. Why not let a trained professional look at your situation objectively and simply point things out? I To make it a little clearer, imagine your situation like ‘Sales Training’ for a sales staff. The hired trainer (like your therapist) comes in to train your salesman or salesmen. And even though your salesman (like yourself) knows all the basics, and some of them are even exceptionally good, sometimes they get stuck. They can’t see subtle changes happening around them. Basically, they’re in their ‘blind spot’ zone. The hired trainer looks at their situations in different ways than they do. With a few minor changes and strategies, they show all the salespeople other ways to look at their individual situations. Once this happens, they can move forward easily, with new and more effective sales strategies than they had before. What your therapist (or trainer) can do for you overall, is simply give you a better way, or a different way to make a new and improved plan for · better weight management, · better partnerships, · better career choices, and · better financial situations, to name a few.
And guess what? You’re the key to that process. In fact, you’re in charge of it, no matter what kind of therapist you work with. If you choose not to work with a therapist, that’s okay too. Your subconscious mind already knows what it needs to change. You have the ability to change yourself, if you really, really want to. Therapists are only supposed to act as guides in your healing, because ultimately your healing comes from within. Once Your Guide points out specific aspects of your behavior, your subconscious either tells you that it’s correct or it isn’t. Then you, and only you, can make the change!
I love to hear from readers. Tell me what you think about the articles. I’m really new at this.
